diaries of a mixed marriage wife

you'd think that by now people would be used to mixed race marriages or other crazy realities of living in a melting-pot country...but no.
kinda funny!

i could write a book about all the funny things that i experience.....

entry 1:
that one time when my coworker and i were walking to lunch and the landscaping guys were also taking their lunch...they smile at both of us, nodding, one in particular calls out with a thick accent "hey! how are you?" .....i smile and chuckle a bit to myself cuz he sounded just like marvin...she huffs and says "i hate it when latino guys call out to me!"...then the awkward pause when she realizes i'm married to one of those 'latino guys.'

entry 2:
ups guy comes to deliver a package, i sign, he asks for my last name, i reply: "ruano." he fumbles a bit, looks down at my signature, looks back at me and, puzzled, asks: "how do you spell that?"

entry 3:
you leave a message for someone with your full name, they return your call and ask for "alicia....i couldn't get her last name,...started with an r?"

entry 4:
you talk to someone on the phone and give your full name. then when you meet in person they do a double take...cuz you're white and your name is completely hispanic sounding.

entry 5:
we go anywhere in the hispanic community - i get looks....we go anywhere in the white community - he gets looks.

entry 6:
ANY TIME i give my last name.....a puzzled look stares back at me.

entry 7:
we attend the spanish congregation in my church because we like to help out and i get to keep up on my spanish. the members of the english-speaking congregations always come up to me and think i am new in their congregation. i tell them "no, i attend the spanish ward." then they give me a strange look and ask "do you speak spanish??" yes, i respond....(another strange look)...."my husband is from guatemala."

entry 8:
the other day when talking about where we like to eat in the area, someone mentioned they liked a certain mexican place. having been there i said "it's ok. not really authentic." they asked me where i like to get 'mexican' food. i told them about a variety of places we like to go...all authentic because they are run by latinos, 'you have to go to where the latinos are' i say. "how do you know about all these places?" i get asked with incredulity.....my husband is latino.

entry 9:
while in a group of women exchanging quick/cheap dinner ideas, i mention "we like to eat a lot of beans and rice...rice and chicken, beans and eggs, rice and pork, beans on salads, or even just beans and rice with cheese. carbs and protein!" someone asks "really? you like beans and rice that much?" well, i respond "my husband is from guatemala."

entry 10:
that one time i went to the grocery store and bought a GINORMOUS bag of rice cuz we eat it so much....the cashier gal's eyes went wide as she saw it come down the belt, "you must eat a lot of rice!" ...."my husband is hispanic"

confessions....

....i have gained weight since i got married.
at first i freaked out about it and would cry when i tried to put on the cute shorts i wore last summer and they just wouldn't go. but then marvin said one time: "who cares? i think you're beautiful. some people lose weight when they get married, some people gain weight. we happened to gain weight. just go buy new pants." so i did. and guess what....i feel ok about it. lest you think i am letting myself go and lounging around in my sweats all day - that is not happening i assure you. i just don't walk to/from work every day and run around the metro like i used to. i still run 2-3 times a week and try to eat my veggies and not eat ice cream every day. its just not the same. i came to accept that this is a new season of my life. that was the old time of my life- single and a bit thinner. (and i used to lament being fat back then!) i still would like to get more tone around my muscles but i have accepted that i'm not going back to how i was then and i'm ok with that because my life is completely new and it is great.

....i really think my husband is the handsomest man on the face of the planet.
 i used to think my sister was a bit crazy cuz she would say the same thing and i would think "i don't see it." but now i get it! seriously even beckham, clooney, or duhamel got nothing on him. he puts on a white button-down and slacks....stop my beating heart. i often look at him and think: how did i get to be with him? dang he's cute.

....i am addicted to j.crew.
but since i can't afford the full retail price of almost anything at j.crew (nor do i think it is wise to buy almost anything there for full price)...i shop the killer sales sections and the factory store. still addicted and maybe a bit obsessed.

....i really like living in richmond. and virginia.
i have fallen in love with virginia lately. it is beautiful in the fall and i love the rolling hills covered with trees. i love the fact that you can be in the city and drive 10 miles out and be in the country but never know it. (real country not just the desert..sorry utah) i love the history and the homey feel of everything. and while i initially was skeptical of richmond after living in glamorous and busy washington for 2 years, richmond has grown on me. its the biggest small town you will ever find. you can get across the city in 20 min but the downtown is def fun and happening. there is history everywhere. the houses are ADORABLE. the architecture is stunning. and i love the style - mix of eastern, southern, traditional, and modern.

....i don't like buying tickets for anything out of fear that i won't actually make it.
yes a bit irrational but it always gives me a bit of trepidation to purchase anything non-refundable, especially something time sensitive because i have had way too many experiences lately where plans changed.  and i hate to purchase something in advance and then have to change things around. just hate it. (does this say something about me?? maybe...)

love, sweet love

my dear, crazy husband has been working away from home for the past 4 days....and guys, i missed him terribly.

in fact the first day i was utterly angry at him for leaving me alone. to make money of all things! (yes that was a sarcastic comment) i was angry for a good 2 whole days. the first night i went to the store, bought a frozen cheese pizza and a box of dark chocolate dipped chocolate ice cream bars and watched reruns of 'how i met your mother' all night. literally all night. (that will teach him!)

the second night i picked myself up a bit and went for a run, cleaned the dishes, put away the laundry, cleaned the living room, organized a bit in the spare room...but then returned to my friends of himym with my dark chocolate. still a bit angry.

the third day, i realized i wasn't really mad...i was just missing him. seriously? i thought, alicia you JUST saw him on monday. it's not like my sister who's husband is frequently deployed to the other side of the world for half the year! (side note: cait, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU DO IT.)

but yes, it's true...i missed him. a bazillion times more than when we lived 114 miles apart while we were dating and we only saw each other for a total of 10ish hours every week. i was reminded of that annoying time of our lives as we had our nightly phone calls this week. and hated him being gone even more.

then i heard one of our songs and i remembered i love him ...(ice melting)

then he called me last night, at first it was like every other conversation we have..how was your day, how much did you sweat while working in the blistering heat, did you make sure to eat dinner so you don't die, when do we get paid. at first i was all like "i'll show him that i don't miss him. or maybe show him how mad i've been." ....then he changed to face time and my heart completely melted to see his adorable smile and handsome face. and i remembered just how much i loved that man. anger completely gone.

he said i only had to wait one more day and told me how much he loved me, then as i told him i loved him too i felt a tear roll down my cheek. i think he was confused as to what emotion was causing the tears (to his credit no one ever knows sometimes) as he said he hated seeing me cry. but they were tears of intense positive emotion, similar tears to the ones that almost ruined my makeup on our wedding day. tears of overwhelming love. that's what i'll call them. because i'm pretty sure they'll surface again.

so here i am, counting down the hours until i see my husband again and i feel like i did as a single gal waiting to see her boyfriend on a friday night. its amazing how everything else is ok, forgotten or forgiven, when there is love.

i remember as a single person scoffing a bit at married people who gushed about how wonderful their spouses are on social media. but lately, i see too often news about divorce rates climbing and things like people killing their wives, so i thought "what the world needs now, is love, sweet love!"...ok not really. but cheesy songs aside, i think you can never have too much good out there when there is always negative stuff being made up every moment of the day. so if you are offended, sorry. I hope instead you remember someone you love and remember to cherish them a bit more. 

he might kill me but I love this pic and him

city of oaks

a couple of weekends ago (yes i am slow...no, not slow just very busy) marvin and i went to raleigh, north carolina, for a quick overnight trip. i love exploring new cities and getting away for a bit, even if only 3 hours away.

marvin was less enthused than i was to walk all over the city and 'explore' as i said, but once we saw how great raleigh was he came around :) we really fell in love with this southern capital! here are some highlights of the trip:

tiny temple! we went to the raleigh temple and laughed a bit at the contrast with the DC temple (which is ginormous)

great architecture....i found tons of architectural gems and little details

north carolina state capitol...old, civil war era building = cool. built in 1840, the building was luckily untouched through the civil war and they keep it up well so history crazies like me can still enjoy it.

the coolest doors i've ever seen

another awesome door

yes that is the ceiling... i know, i couldn't stop staring at it too.

bbq....delicious carolina bbq. we waited 45 min to get a table...for lunch! but omg SO worth it. it was amazin.

SO GOOOOOOD

churches...there are a bazillion churches in raleigh. seriously there was one on every street surrounding the capitol. better than none right?

walking...downtown raleigh is super accessible and easy to walk around. smooth, wide sidewalks. cross walks. streets blocked off in between the museums. loved it.

spring! it was a gorgeous spring day with flowers blooming all over.

loved the colors here-- blue building?! blue railing?!

parks...downtown raleigh has great little parks with trees and benches that are kept up well. it ain't called the city of oaks for nothing. gorgeous large oak tress are everywhere.

yay for historic, friendly southern cities :)

don't mind the random people doing yoga on the lawn of the state capitol...wait what???

library inside the capitol building

spring has sprung

it is the first day of spring!!!! this winter has been unusually cold and snowy for virginia so i am extremely grateful that this is what the first day of spring is looking like:

coincidence that the today is also the international day of happiness? i think not! especially for this girl. super happy today. (not quite sure how or why but weather has a great effect on me)

i have even more appreciated spring since moving to the east coast. in colorado spring is like, a week...no, a day...ok let's be honest it doesn't exist. you go from hot to cold through the entire year.

but virginia actually observes all four seasons and with summer sometimes baking you with brutal humidity, i really like spring here.you might say spring and fall have become my favorite seasons on the east coast ....warm sun and blossoming flowers in spring...cool evenings and changing leaves in fall.

this is my being super happy on my walk in the sunshine during lunch...
i know i'm weird

so now break out the lemonade and strawberry shortcake, its getting warm :) :)

southern livin'

i never thought that someday i would live in the south. sometimes i did actually think about what it might be like, dreaming that it would be lovely.... large plantation mansions, southern cooking, BBQ, slow moving rivers, thick accents, southern belles, large trees, sitting on the wrap-around porch drinking lemonade...i guess i pictured gone with the wind and thought that sounded magical.

well, i now live in the south. and to be honest it is not all that i imagined (....perhaps because my daydream was more descriptive of the deep south like georgia) but yes, richmond is in the south. i didn't believe it before i moved here. in fact i kinda chuckled a bit when i drove through the former confederate capital and saw statues of confederate generals and heroes. but guys, this is no joke. people here claim it with pride. this is the south and apparently i better get used to it.

...easier said than done! there really are multiple cultures here in the united states. and this western girl is feeling culture clash/shock.

the south vs the west

...in the west when you want to do something on the weekend, you go out to the mountains, the ocean, the lake, the park...you go outside cuz the natural world is varied and beautiful. no rock formation or peak or river or tree or waterfall is the same. and it seems there is so much of it!

....in the south when you want to do something on the weekend, you drink and eat. since i don't do one of those i am weird and i keep wanting to go out into nature. (and i'm getting fat)

...in the west there are sidewalks and trails every where! because people not only believe in being outside and being fit but they also believe in conserving fuel which comes from the earth's natural resources. there are always people running, walking, even in the winter. your body was made to move!

....in the south (or maybe just richmond) there are no sidewalks anywhere! and you don't walk anywhere because that would mean taking your life in your hands as you battle with cars and trucks on the road or trudging through the woods.

....in the west people are pretty much easy going and laid back. and they are genuinely easy going. if they are nice, they are genuinely nice.

...in the south people are nice...but on the inside they are judging you and scoffing at you. 'bless her heart' is said dripping with sarcasm.

....in the west there are so many races all living in a mix--chinese, koreans, japanese, mexicans, salvadorians, tongans, polynesians. and they have lived that way for a while. racism? what is that?

....in the south racism is still an unspoken problem and people still treat you differently if you are white or black. a black woman talks to me waaay differently than her fellow black friends. cray cray.

....in the west people are generally valued by their education and employment status.

...in the south people are generally valued by how much money they have...regardless of their employment because if they have a lot of money they usually got it from grandpa or aunty when they died. and they are super important with all that money they got.

....in the west meals are efficient. you eat because it is necessary and then you move on with your day.

...in the south people sit, chat while they eat, enjoy coffee or tea after, continue to sit even after the plates have been cleared and then enjoy dessert. (while i'm impatient and ready to move onto the next activity)

....in the west going places and doing things is how you connect with people.

....in the south eating and visiting is how you connect with people.

...in the west newcomers are a dime a dozen. everyone has been new or will be new and new people are coming all the time. almost no one lives in the same place they were born. westerners are always moving.

....in the south a newcomer is rare. people live down the street from their parents. they grew up in the same town they are raising their kids in...and we're not talking about small town where no one goes anywhere- people are raised in a city go to a state college, and then come back to the same city to live. so newcomers are treated with a bit of skepticism.

needless to say i'm still adjusting (moving to northern va/washington was much less of a culture change...yes the culture divide apparently straddles a state)

so lest you think i'm just complaining (and i apologize if i have offended anyone) i have decided that right now i'm living here so i'm going to find the great things about richmond and explore what it has to offer. we are going on adventures right here where we live! find joy in the journey right? :)

my how time flies

so a year and two days ago i met a funny, easy going, sweet man from guatemala. little did i know the whirwind adventure that awaited me...

honestly, when we first met, he caught my attention but i didn't think that much of it. apparently i missed something cuz he swears he pretty much knew from the beginning.
      ps: really glad he didn't give up when i was missing the boat

it wasn't always roses and daises (although he brought me roses enough times for it to feel that wonderful). it was hard living 114 miles apart...moving, changing jobs... and then going through normal relationship challenges as well as some unique not-so-normal ones as well unique to our situation.  but i don't regret it.

i have learned so much over the past year along with the wonderful times and am so grateful for that.

#1 hard times are normal. challenges will always be there. so don't bemoan that its hard right now, but celebrate and be grateful when it is wonderfully right! and then pray and rely on christ when its a bit rough.

#2 god knows so much better than me. i tend to fight a good thing when its not a part of my original plan...but it always ends up a million times better than i could have imagined it. (seriously i could not have picked a better man myself so im glad he did)

#3 miracles still happen. if my friend had not invited me to richmond, if another friend had not invited marvin, if either of us had decided not to go.... seriously miracle. and that wasn't the last one. there have been a series of miracles that i had absolutely no control over but got to benefit from.

#4 god really can move mountains, or people. he makes things happen when it is his will and you have faith.

#5 letting people serve me. i know this is silly, but this is hard for me. i have always been the one serving and i truly enjoy it and i get all bothered when someone gives/serves/loves me when i can't do anything for them back. but i've learned that i can give back in the form of love and sometimes that is enough. i'll never be able to repay all those who helped us with the wedding or my family for flying all the way out to VA or marvin for the 2 times he helped me move...yes 2.

#6 truly selfless love. marvin is amazing and so incredibly selfless. sometimes i wait for him to get tired of washing the dishes or making dinner when my blood sugar is low or being patient when i am feeling less than beautiful or holding me when i feel sick and cranky. hasn't happened yet, and you know what i have a feeling it never will.
in the beginning i thought it was almost some kind of competition, like if you do something for me i have to do something for you! but love isn't like that. love is giving everything of yourself and hoping the other person will accept that, no matter how much the other person gives of themselves, and accepting everything they give in return.

#7 just cuz i feel like things are going well doesn't mean i get to let my relationship with god slide, cuz then it will start to get not so good. our relationship with him requires constant nurturing and i'm pretty sure that is really what makes the good times good.

so there we have it. i keep learning every day and am grateful that i can and that i now learn along side someone who is also learning. and yes, i love love love it.

yes... if you look closely you will recognize both of us on the night we met over one year ago