even the grayest clouds have silver linings

the next person who asks me when i am going home or what i am doing for christmas is going to get a nasty glare.....ok, not really. but i have been overly pestered lately (today most especially thus my thoughts on the matter) as to how i am spending the holiday. which is understandable, i know that is generally a harmless question. however for one who very much misses their family already and has for the past 26 years spent every christmas except for one with said family, its a rough reminder that she will not be seeing her family, or any familial relative, or even any close friends on the most tradition-filled, family oriented day of the year. it is not an easy thing i tell you. so in my usual desire to find the silver lining, i'm going to think of all the pros to not going home for christmas:

   no air travel = no germs, no TSA, no long lines, no worrying about bags, no cramped legs for 3 hours

   no worrying about weather in the midst of traveling

   no coughing up the $500 for the plane ticket

  no oversleeping every day and then getting used to 10 hours of sleep and then having to return to a normal schedule and hating it

   no re-acclimatizing to colorado dryness and high altitude 

  no overeating due to mom's cooking and mom's sweet tooth and thus...

  no gaining 10 pounds in 10 days

  no SNOW

  ......but really i would like to submit that if you are spending the holiday with your family, embrace the craziness, cherish every weird tradition, tell them you love them, laugh at every joke/random story/dramatic gossip....cuz you never know who wishes they were doing all of those things with their loved ones. 

our apartment complex has an office where they store and sort all the packages for all the residents, yesterday as i was picking up a shipment and noticed the over abundance of packages stacked up throughout the office in usual holiday season fashion. the thought came to me that all the packages in the world don't hold a candle to the worth of family and loved ones. 

in happy thoughts.....the GRE will be over in 3 days. 

and my applications to GW and UVa are almost done. :) :) :)

   

don't forget to be happy

i couldn't get the adorable picture of the african girl. so here are my random thoughts of the day instead:

thoughts.....
....i want a speaker on my shirt like Raj on the Big Bang Theory so i could have music to dance to any time i want. it would be like living with a soundtrack...which sounds fantastic! "he's doing his own theme music?" :)
....last night i had a dream in which i lost 3 teeth. i looked online on dream interpretations and apparently that means i'm stressed or insecure about something. i am not quite sure what exactly i'm stressed or insecure about. although today was one of those days....you know the kind of day when you don't want to eat dinner when you come home but instead something like ice cream or chocolate. or today's pick: joe-joe's. joe-joe's are trader joe's holiday version of oreos...with peppermint inside. mmmm... perfect dinner for tonight.
....today i saw Les Miserables at the National Theater. first time seeing it live. i was struck by many points of the story. and pondered much while i was watching it. mostly on how ironic it is that we talk about wanting peace and yet still make weapons to hurt each other and we value human life so little, how we often judge that justice is always the best route and forget about mercy or repentance, and how much i wish i could go around singing at the top of my lungs all day to express my feelings.
....i love kids. they are so carefree and forgiving. they are generally happy and just enjoy the things of life. i very much prefer their company to adults who complain and argue and doubt and hold grudges and are so serious. i love laughing with kids. how much i wish i could do that all day. (...future plans starting to look more and more fitting) i tutor a 7th grader every thursday and it is honestly the best part of my week. she gave me a Christmas card today and thanked me for being so jolly like the Christmas season. :) totally made my day. isn't it amazing how little things can make such a difference? its like we have to be reminded of things over and over...every day really. and really reminded that we already knew what we are being reminded about, we already knew how to be happy, but somehow in the crush of worries and in the rush of life we forget. be like kids - Christ told us we are to be like little children. and I think it's because they have not forgotten how to be happy. we are commanded to be happy: men are that they might have joy. don't forget how to be happy!

grad school application started...

..that's right. yesterday I met with a few faculty members at GWU and things are looking good. it was kinda funny to me...here I am trying to get into their school, so I'm asking them a lot of questions, trying to find out what I need to do to and make sure I get everything right..but they were so excited to talk to me, introducing me to everyone in the office, asking me all about myself...I felt like a shiny new toy that was being proudly passed around. I can't decide if that is a good sign or they are just super friendly. either way I'm stoked. I've always admired GW. we'll see if it admires me too. walking around the campus was so happy...def a good sign. (and I thought I was done with school...hah i think i like it too much)

so while I am typing this I am thinking of how I'm taking the GRE in less than 2 weeks. eeeeek. no, I'm probably not really ready. its hard to want to study during the holiday season...there is WAY too much going on. por ejemplo: this week alone I had/have 2 holiday work parties, 1 holiday dinner, 1 birthday/holiday party, 1 gift wrapping service activity and rehearsals up the wazoo for all the musical numbers I'm in. seriously. no time in this girl's schedule. I'm already exhausted and its only wednesday. so perhaps I'll ditch out early on a couple things to make sure I don't lose my mind, and the mindset of what all this celebrating is really about. I'm working on my time managing and prioritizing lately to make sure I can still get all the things done that I feel are important: reading my scriptures, exercising, praying, going to the temple, sleeping, eating well...and still enjoy the Christmas season. (oh yeah and studying for this 'big' important test too haaha) all about balance....good thing that was always my strong point in gymnastics. :)

today apart from being excited about GW I was happy about tights again (another grey cold day) with ballet flats, an afternoon walk around downtown with all the buildings decked out in holiday garb, keeping busy at work, listening to Christmas music while I worked, and this great video we watched during a presentation to the entire agency about some of the work USAID has done during the past year. yay for warm fuzzies. :) this pic of this little girl in Africa was adorable...I'm going to find it and put it on here so it can be enjoyed by others also.
AND trader joe's holiday treats...hands down.the.best.ever. i got a little too excited at trader joe's this week. trader joe's knows how to do the holidays. i always get excited when i have new food after going grocery shopping...is that just me? another strange alicia-ism? either way, i'll take it. i like being happy


Ps: is it sad that my favorite part of the day is getting into bed?

i want to celebrate Hanukkah

as i step onto the metro i always look around at my fellow DC commuters. and feel some sense of belonging as I'm sure I feel similarly to many of them: tired, not exactly excited to be going to work. when I get to work I sign into my computer, answer my daily security question (the gov is strange), open my email, and begin the sorting/reading of the morning batch of messages while I drink my coffee....oh wait. no, I don't drink coffee.....I almost feel like everyone else. and then remember that I'm not. apart from being that I am uniquely me, I also am not like the crowd of the general population of the world, or even DC. I think at times I am tempted to try to fit in with the crowd cuz it seems like the logical thing when you are in it....but then again what good comes from pleasing the crowd? not much. a sense of belonging only lasts as long as the trends that you are following...which is like a matter of minutes it seems like these days.
I then consider on the fact that people have been celebrating Christmas for thousands of years, and the crowd would tell me that I need to have great aspirations for expensive gifts to both give and receive and if I'm anticipating not receiving those gifts, I should just buy them for myself....because obviously that's what life is all about: getting new things....
but it seems no matter how many new shoes or cute sweaters I buy, I can never have enough. it seems no matter when I buy a new phone or how cool the TV I have is, there will always be one better and newer. how exhausting it is to feel never satisfied! no wonder everyone looks tired all the time.
I would like to submit that the only reason we think we need all these things is because the people who are trying to sell them to us infiltrate our minds with flashy images and tell us that we need them.
hmmm....we always reject those who try to tell us what to do and cry out against dictators who attempt to control their subjects, and yet isn't this scarily similar?
I'm not saying all media or advertising is bad, it's a way to promote messages to public audiences that generally wouldn't hear them otherwise, in fact the church uses it widely and what success has come of it!
however, perhaps we are too prone to following the crowd and giving into materialism....perhaps our country would not be in so much debt we lived a bit simpler.
I'm no expert and lest my thoughts come across hypocritical, this is something I am working on myself.
so here I go, trying to be more simplistic and happy with who I am and what I already have, in spite of the environment around me. wish me luck cuz it's not as easy as it sounds. :)

along those lines, Saturday was the first day of Hanukkah and in the midst of my emails this morning was a message from the Jewish Affinity Group wishing everyone a happy Hanukkah and inviting all to learn more about the holiday, which was described as: a celebration of the triumph of light over darkness, purity over compromise, and spirituality over materiality. YES. amen...I gladly celebrate that too. so Happy Hanukkah!

(insert witty comment about my randomness)

friday we went to the National Cathedral to listen to the Messiah. yes I was in heaven. seriously... the Messiah will be sung in heaven and i will be able to enjoy it every moment. and yes I had an epiphany. as I was listening to the music sung by the soloists, followed by the choir, I felt a distinct difference when the choir started singing. there was such a sweet spirit when the choir sang (besides the fact that they were amazing!!) that contrasted greatly with the individual solo performances. perhaps because the choir members were not trying to out sing one another, but were humbly trying to blend and listen to their fellow singers...as opposed to the soloists who proudly belted our their parts and gladly took center stage....somehow in spite of their obvious immense talent and experience, their parts were not as moving or touching. the choir, as each person gave way to the other next to them and each section blended with the others, was more powerful and poignant as one body, with all the voices working together and submitting to the music and the benefit of the whole. perhaps this could mirror/have applications in life...something to think about. (ps: i think that might be what heaven might be like...just a thought)

in other news...the Washington DC Temple Visitor's Center is all decked out for the annual Festival of Lights. it is stunning. if you are in the DC area,.. or even if you are not, go and see! http://dctemplelights.lds.org/  every night they have different performers give free concerts to celebrate the Christmas season. when I lived out here for my internship, I was part of an institute choir that sang at the visitor's center, and it was a great experience.....and secretly I have been wanting to perform again this year....well ladies and gents: secret wishes do come true. I will be performing there with a choir group next week. kinda excited. :)

funny story: I think I have realized my optimal workout time is in the late afternoon, between 3-6pm. I realize this because yesterday after cleaning and getting some things done I looked outside and was delighted to see that it was not only partly sunny, but also not freezing.....which obviously means time for a run! so off I went, and happily enjoyed running outside again after having to force myself to run at the gym on a treadmill for the past couple weeks due to early sunsets and cold evening temps. when I came back, I was still so pumped that I decided to add some strength and proceeded to work out for another 40 minutes...and honestly felt so great I probably could have kept going....well...not feeling as great today. haha. darn these muscles and tendons that get sore and tired. someday I will have a perfected body that will never get sore or hurt....this is what keeps me going. yay for the resurrection!

to add to the randomness of this post....I am SO glad I got a flu shot this year. usually I don't because...ok I'll admit I don't like needles. but this year I did since they were offering free shots at work and my coworkers were all going down to get them and saying things like "you can't work in the global health bureau and not get a flu shot." so I did it. (peer pressure does have positive effects at times...hopefully I only give into the good times) and as yet I have not gotten sick, even tho it seems like everyone else is......knock on wood. so I am promoting the flu shot as a living witness.

just another thursday

So today I am grateful for opposable thumbs and how, when functioning properly, they are extremely useful.
Yesterday while cutting up potatoes for my dinner, I sliced my thumb. (yes...shake of the head..hurting myself again--my poor body. thank goodness it's pretty good at healing itself quickly)
Not too much damage, just a small cut really, but you know how much even small cuts can interrupt your life....especially in your thumb.
Washing my hair, zipping up a jacket, putting on my tights, opening a jar....all of these things were a bit more difficult this morning with my thumb bandaged. And don't get me started on washing my hands! I try not to get it wet so I don't have to replace the current form of protection for my small wound, but that is harder than it sounds. And I guess it's probably good that I've had to replace it often as it always seems to be red tinged every time still.....

On a less blood-centric, positive note: one of the metro train drivers was extremely chipper this morning and I almost responded out loud when he boomed over the speaker "good morning!" as I boarded the train and similarly wished us all "a very good day" as people exited. I wish he could have heard my silent thanks and reciprocated wishes for a good morning and remainder of the day. Most of the time the drivers sound tired (which they probably are), bored (which they might well be also...except I wouldn't be--I mean, they're driving a metro train all day!), or just plain don't care. I very much appreciated my happy conductor this morning. I love happy people.

Last night had peppermint custard at dairy godmother (yes that is the name of a frozen custard place here) and it was delish. I LOVE winter time flavors. Mint, peppermint, dark chocolate....a few of my favorite things! Almost makes cold of winter bearable....almost. :)

Another favorite thing: my outfit today. I actually had another outfit all planned last night, but thought of another option this morning and as I was putting all the pieces on, I got all excited. Is it strange how much I love wearing a great outfit and how happy it makes me?? not too sure....ill try to reconcile that one with my current attempt to keep my priorities/thoughts on things of eternal consequence....although: that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. (Book of Mormon, Moroni, Chapter 7). Happy = good right?....But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (New Testament, Galatians, Chapter 5)
Conclusion: joy = spirit = good
(ps: thank you to whoever invented warm tights...I am glad they were born on a day like today with a morning temp of 34 degrees when I get inspiration to wear a skirt)

conclusion: i love this city

I have now been at USAID for 3 months...here are some of the things I have learned:

words, words, words...all I hear is words---I feel like the government just makes a lot of reports, holds a lot of meetings, and talks about of abstract plans/goals that don't make much sense

I hate bureaucracy. the end.

it takes forever to get things done

just because people are educated and employed does not mean they are necessarily intelligent or have common sense.

the government is way too big for not actually doing that much

I have also discovered some pet peeves of mine....
first of all, I don't understand why people get mad if you open the door at the same time as them from the other side ....how would I ever know you are on the other side of the door? sorry I can't see thru walls or doors. (if you are wondering why i bring it up, this happens all the time here)
second of all, why is it so difficult for people to leave bathrooms clean? especially women.....really it's gross
third of all, people: respond to emails please. i don't just email people cuz I feel like it, I have a question and I need an answer. it's not really that difficult.
fourth of all, I very much dislike working at a desk with no windows near by. no good my friends, no good.

......but on the upside, I have met some amazing people that want to do some good in the world

AND I have learned ...well more remembered really, how much I love this city. I really do. I love DC.
it has been unseasonably warm for the beginning of December and I am milking it for all it's worth while I can. (my dislike of cold knows no bounds) so I have been taking brief strolls during my lunch breaks to escape my dungeon office and absolutely relishing in the awesomeness that is DC. don't believe me? here's proof:

(ps: I'm not that bugged by my pet peeves....I'm over it really.. :) )