a little bug..

it's funny the things that bug us. maybe that's not funny to anyone else or no one else gets bugged by things. if that's true then I'm a bad person maybe. but a couple things bugged me today that I feel the need to rant about to the world wide web.....

#1- every person that lives on this earth has the same intrinsic value. when we are born I am not of anymore worth than you nor does anyone else have more worth than me. we are all human beings. so why is it that some frequently demean or look down on others? for example why do some treat all the paper pushing lower rank workers like dirt in favor of one important official? 

#2 - the next time I hear a woman complain that they miss husband/boyfriend and have to wait till they get home from work to talk to them, I'm going to slap her across the face. some of us - being me - have to travel 110 miles to see their man, and others - my sister - have to wait months to see their man for him to return from across the world. 

I realized today as I sat down in my usual seat on the bus that I am an overly consistent creature of habit. if someone sits in that seat I am bit irritated and I feel all out of sorts. my go to outfit for work: pencil skirt, ballet flats, t-shirt and accessory such as necklace or bracelet-never both but always with earrings....and during the winter throw on a cardigan or jacket and it's all the same. take the same route to work each day (granted there aren't many options but I kinda feel good about that) I even go to the same train doors on the metro. I wake up at the same time every day, shower, get ready, and read my scriptures while eating breakfast. seriously the same every day (except for weekends of course) I talk to my favorite person the same hour every night.

reality

someone asked to see my blog the other day and, upon skimming a few of my posts, said: wow, you sound like happiest person ever! and perhaps on here I do sound like I am always happy, grateful, and loving life. while that is partly true, I am very grateful for the many good things and joy in my life, I am still human and still face bad days and disappointment and rough times. 

usually I don't like sharing my bad days or trials publicly as I would rather add cheer to the sadness and suffering that is published around the world. but since today happens to be one of those rougher days, ill share a bit. 

I spent this past weekend in Richmond, which usually includes a 2 hour drive each way. this time however, I encountered traffic on the way down, making it 3.5 hour trip, as well as on the way back, a 4.5 hour trip. I slept a total of 8 hours in a 48 hour period due to the intense journey back home, during which I did actually fall asleep 3 times while driving. if you have done this you know how scary it is to wake up and realize you are still directing a moving vehicle! I am exhausted from all this lack of sleep. 

yesterday was my last class of the semester, wherein everyone presented on their research and paper topics for the final semester project....I had identified my topic and found some sources but that was the extent of my research and prep for this project. so I spent most of my time at work yesterday furiously skimming the articles I had found, to be able to sound semi-cognizant when it was my turn to address the class. which I did thankfully. (I've gotten really good at speaking to groups and making whatever I'm saying sound coherent over the years, even if I have no idea what I'm talking about apparently) now the task comes of taking what I read and writing a 10 page thesis paper, due next monday. (ps: I have no idea what I am going to write) oh yeah and I still work 40 hours a week. 

and since I have been crazy busy and running around, (gone all weekend, at class till 9:30 at night, working all day) I have no food in my house at the moment. my body was not happy with this fact this morning and I am feeling the consequences. my bank account is also not too happy with this as it's balance dwindles as I eat out so I don't die. 

bottom line: I'm a bit stressed out and tired and hungry and poor. and, as it happens, currently freezing in my office. 

that's life. it happens. not every day is perfect. and anyone who pretends that it is is in denial. 

I've tried to find a way to be perfectly happy all the time and decided it wasn't going to happen. I've got an imperfect, mortal body subject to sickness, fatigue, weakness, and mosquito bites. (THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE RIGHT NOW)

(side note: look up 'bane' and it will accurately describe how I feel about mosquitos....curse, nemesis, scourge, cause of great suffering or distress. you might think this is extreme, until you see the condition and large number of bites I have on my body)

besides the physical trials, life throws curve balls at you and you are emotionally and mentally taxed as well (that was last week for me haha)

in the midst of all this craziness and almost dying I have realized a couple things:

1) there's a reason why most humans have traditionally lived with other humans in a family arrangement. it is easier to take care of yourself and the necessities of life when you are sharing those responsibilities with one or more people. 

2) some days you have to just keep going. or just keep swimming as my friend dory would say. 90% of the time whats going on won't kill you, and if it does, what can you do about it? (that sounds harsh and morbid...but it's true) so we just keep truckin along...cuz really what else can you do? sit down and give up? you know you don't really want to do that, let's be honest. 

3)  just because one day is rough-or even one week, month, year- that does not mean your whole life is bad or hard. sometimes we have bad days, or years. 

4) tomorrow may not always be better, but it will be different, a new day with a new perspective. that's the great thing about life, every thing always changes. 

5) one day down the road, it will be better. 

6) sleep tends to make things better....no it doesn't fix most things in life, but it can reboot your heart and mind so you can tackle the hard stuff. 

6) everything has a purpose. maybe it doesn't seem obvious or positive, sometimes it is up to us to find the purpose and learn from it. 

and most importantly, I have seen how prayer helps. it can get you through anything. 

so my life is not all roses and primary songs, but that is a big reason why I started this blog of counting my blessings and looking for joy in my life. I found that when I did that and shared it here, it lifted my day a bit and helped me when I needed to remember why my life is great. an inside hint: sometimes the days I post are the ones I need reminders the most. 

so here's the list of joys in my journey today:

trees....summertime trees in va are gorgeous and make me happy to live on earth

hot chocolate...yes I had hot chocolate this morning, the 6th of august. I told you my office was freezing :)

wearing the necklace I bought in Spain....reminding me of that great trip. and giving me joy in a pretty little thing (yes I am a girl who likes pretty jewelry)

music..always fills my soul with joy

sunsets....I saw the most gorgeous sunset the other day in a rear view mirror and can still picture it in my mind

good coworkers.....I work with some great gals and very much enjoy chatting with them every day, or even venting to them. they always listen to me and somehow don't mind. maybe they just think I'm crazy and enjoy the free entertainment. win win right? :)

showers....every day I am so grateful I can take a shower with warm running water. I love feeling clean and it really is amazing when you think about it-- you get a stream of heated water inside your house. cool huh?

i like food

...it's true. perhaps I like it more because of the way I feel after eating. my body does this crazy thing where it gets super cranky at me when I haven't eaten in a few hours. and I mean like can't walk, can't think, head pounding, no energy, weakness and numbness everywhere. i feel SO much better after I eat. it's really annoying sometimes. but it's my body and it's the only one I've got so I've leaned to deal with it. sometimes I feel bad that it affects others but through this I've learned about those who truly care about me and about allowing others the opportunity to serve me. 

so back to eating....it makes my body super happy so I like doing it. and I like eating a variety of things. I love Latino food, indian food, thai food, italian food, steak, pizza, fruit, sandwiches, avocado, hamburgers, ice cream, French fries, bread, bacon, chocolate, zucchini, tacos....the list could go on!

 I frequently see people engaging in fad diets such as carb-free, lean-protein, dairy-free, sugar-free, etc. every year there's a new diet. every year there's a new theory on health and nutrition.  

if you look at the list of my fav foods you might think that I eat crappy, but ask my family and they think I eat über healthy. I wouldn't say I eat super healthy or poorly, but that I eat everything in moderation. I don't think God gave us the need to consume protein to avoid enjoying a good burger every now and then. I don't think he made carbs the building blocks of our cells and then have us not eat them. our bodies need nourishment found in food. that is how they were created and who am I to mess with the creator of all things?

according to some standards of beauty and health Im not considered thin, and many people have told me I should lose some weight. but I am happy and I feel good about my body and how it feels. my body needs nourishment and my heart likes chocolate so I don't feel bad about not eating a salad or fat free yoghurt for lunch every day. in fact I find it almost silly that women are expected to eat that way. sometimes my female coworkers think me strange for not ordering a salad when we go out to lunch. first of all, this body of mine needs certain nutrients at each meal that are not found in most salads, second I get bored eating the same thing every day, third I like enjoying what I eat! 

yes eating healthy and balanced meals is important, but I don't think eating pizza one night or ice cream every now and then is going to kill you prematurely or make you unhealthily obese. 

instead of counting calories or starving to shed 2 pounds, let's focus on being happy with who we are and what we have. lets teach kids to eat when they're hungry and not when they aren't. lets remember that our bodies aren't machines but are like ecosystems that require certain inputs and balances to thrive. lets focus on caring for these amazing gifts that God gave us to experience life, instead of punishing them for certain natural tendencies or cultural norms. every body is mortal and has its own weaknesses and deficiencies as well as unique strengths and characteristics. 

your body is a gift from God and you will live with it forever in the next life. learn to love it and care for it and you will be so much happier now and forever. 

selfless acts

beauty I saw today that couldn't be captured in picture form:

a big, tough looking, tattooed man dressed in construction gear carrying a bouquet of flowers on the metro...you know he didn't buy those for himself. 

an adorable mom singing 'if you're happy and you know it' as loud and excited as can be with her little girl so she wouldn't notice how miserable it could be to wait for the bus in unbearable heat...you know she could've done a million other things to keep herself occupied during the wait. 

the Book of Mormon

Today I felt the need to share my thoughts and feelings on the Book of Mormon. I love this book! 

Every time I read it it's like I'm reading it for the first time for all the new ways I am able to apply its teachings to my current life as well as the vibrant spirit that always accompanies a reading of it; yet at the same time I remember all the things I have learned and felt through it and my experience is deepened even more. It is so incredibly powerful; one verse can help me feel more peace and enlightenment than all the "enlightened" or meditation books in the world. 

Every chapter and page teaches about Jesus Christ. It's words teach about His purpose, His nature, His gospel, and His identity. It teaches about God's plan for us, his children, and the purpose of this plan. 

It can guide anyone to answer any question in life. It is universal in its application and scope. It can teach anyone the truth of all things. 

This book contains the words of God, spoken to ancient prophets. And they are as true and applicable today as they were 2000 years ago. 

I have read this book many times and have asked God if it is a true book. And he answered me. Through his divine messenger, the Holy Ghost, I knew in my heart that the Book of Mormon contains the words of God. And I continue to recieve this affirmative answer every time I read it. Anyone can know this too if they will read it and ask God in prayer. It's simple. 

God loves us and knew that we would need help and guidance in our lives, so he gave us the Book of Mormon. 

I love this book and have seen for myself the truth of the promise by the prophet Joseph Smith that anyone will get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts than any other book. 

I invite you to read it if you are having challenges in your life- I promise you it will give you peace; if you have questions about anything-it will give you answers; if you are feeling confused- it will give you direction and vision. I know because it has happened for me. 

To read it: 

http://mormon.org/beliefs/book-of-mormon

www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm

carving chips off the block

it's funny how I think the lord prompts me to learn things by me realizing I need to work on something and setting goals to improve in that area, and then he really teaches me through the experiences in life. ok so maybe it's both but lately I have realized the more I try to handle things-- not in a prideful controlling way, but just making things happen in my life--the more god just takes me and shapes my life and molds me in his own way. perhaps as I try to do it on my own he sees I'm willing to progress and takes that opportunity to help me learn other things while I'm willing and ready to receive it....or maybe that's just the times I actually notice this process happening. 

either way I'm surprised and grateful for the ways he polishes me, chipping away at my rough edges. 

sometimes i feel like it never ends. and frequently, funny enough, like he's found all my rough edges to chip at all at once. but that's what is the great thing about this life! if we give up our stubbornness, our Heavenly Father will constantly make us better, into who he wants us to be. and really we just have to give in. he kinda does the rest. and yeah that's like the hardest part...cuz we're human and like to control things, but once you give that up its easy! 

so right now he's teaching me to give up my independentness and rely on others. and not only that but to be humble enough to not feel bad about it or indebted. but just allow others the opportunity to serve me. I know this sounds like an easy and obvious task but I'm used to being the server, not the servee, as i very much enjoy serving people, and additionally i was taught to take care of myself and work hard so that i could serve others. and then all of a sudden you find yourself as the servee with no idea how to be the server except to accept their service with humility and gratitude. 

I think this is one of the beautiful parts of relationships with others and, most especially, the savior in this life. sometimes we just have to allow them to do things for us, whether we can do them for ourselves or not.