it's a love story....part one

so here's the story everyone has been waiting for...

during a cold and wet February, I was feeling a particular need to escape the craziness of Washington. my friend, Chris (happy now Chris?), invited me down to Richmond for a visit and to participate in a singles activity down there. it being a holiday weekend, I thought sure, why not? so I drove down, anticipating nothing except dancing, visiting my dear friend in charlottesville, and going for a bike ride. 

the evening started simple enough with a bit of socializing and mocktail drinks. and then they instituted the forced "speed dating" portion of the activity which I was ignorant of prior to arriving. I was there to dance and that was all. 

but I reluctantly joined in the matching up in support of my friend with thoughts of the time passing quickly until the music started. 

I dutifully chatted with each guy that passed my way, answering and asking silly questions. there happened to be two latin guys in the group, one from Mexico and one from Guatemala. they stood out obviously, or rather I stood out, because in both conversations it came up that I spoke Spanish and I chatted with both a bit in Spanish. 

after the rounds of speed dating, I strutted out to the gym, ready to get to the best part of the night (ie: dancing). no sooner had I gotten a good spot when the Mexican guy came up and began to talk to me quite a bit. 

all the while I noticed the guy from Guatemala hanging around a bit. it kinda looked like he wanted to talk to me but I was a bit consumed with trying to kindly extraciate myself from the other guy's presence in order to dance.

 I finally was successful and then was able to enjoy the music. and then the guy from Guatemala made his way to my side, more than once in fact. and it was a great contrast talking with him after the other guy. like a breath of fresh air...or latino air. :) we danced, talked, laughed. it felt really good to be around him. he was so nice and funny and easy going, and persistent! as he then asked for my number. I was pleasantly surprised although not really expecting much to come of it. 

but then the next day he texted me. and then kept texting me! and calling me. he asked me when he could call, and he actually called when he said he would!! miracle!

our first date was to the DC temple, which of course I enjoyed...going to the temple and all. the thought occurred to me that this could either be a really good sign or....well to be honest a really scary sign. 

it struck me that day that he was a perfect gentleman. and maybe too good to be true-- he calls when he says he will, is respectful, goes to the temple, serves in the church, drives all the way up to DC to see me, tells me I'm wonderful....I kept waiting for a catch.

 well there never turned out to be a catch because the past 6-ish months if my life have been the most wonderful time getting to know this amazing man. he has such a good heart and would do anything for me. I love being with him-laughing with him (which we do a lot), talking with him, serving with him. it never gets old. 

winning the battle

I have remembered a few things lately. I am calling them my 3 keys to winning the daily battle :) 

#1 I need to pray every day, even all the time. And I need to really pray, not just tell my Father in Heaven what I need or what I'm thankful for, but communicate with my all-wise, all-knowing Father. He responds when I make an effort and put in more than just mumblings in a half-awake daze. I love what Preach My Gospel says about prayer:

Strive to pray sincerely, with real intent, and with “all the energy of heart” (Moroni 7:48). Effective prayer requires great effort (see Moroni 10:3–4;D&C 8:10; 9:7). Give serious thought to your attitude and to the words you use.https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-recognize-and-understand-the-spirit?lang=eng

When I studied this as a missionary I wrote in the margin: Prayer is a form of work!

I love it when I have a conversation with my Father in Heaven, not just speaking to the air, but pouring my heart out and then listening for what might come in response. 

And guess what, God does answer our prayers! I have had some wonderful experiences lately in which I counseled with Him and received guidance and peace. 

Sometimes I don't receive actual answers to my prayers right away, but I feel close to my Father and am able to feel calm and strength in the midst of a crazy life when I consistently seek out opportunities to sincerely pray. 

I have come to realize that in order to make it in this crazy world and these difficult times, we must pray. When I don't I can feel the adversary pushing his way into my thoughts and discouragement overcoming any faith and hope I have. We can't do it alone. The forces around us are strong and as Christ said to the Nephites:

Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for ^aSatan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. 3 Nephi 18:18 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/18.18?lang=eng#17

When I read this I picture in my mind satan laughing as we slip through his fingers...or something like that. Bottom line: We need to pray!

#2 I need to read the word of God every day. And not just read, or even really read very much, but more ponder what it means and listen to the spirit. I have learned that the spirit will teach me what I need to know from the words that day if I will take the time to pause and consider the scriptures. 

And I truly need to do this every day. Just like praying, I need that strength and peace that comes from the spirit, but I also need the direction and eternal perspective that comes from the word of God. 

Every day I am in a battle. We all are. And its not a battle of words or bullets, but a battle for our eternal welfare. Satan is really patient and he doesn't take us by making us fall to his level all at once, but he does it bit by bit, each day that we don't strengthen our relationship with and knowledge of God, he claims a small victory. He chips away at our strength if we aren't actively working at fortifying it. And he is way too good at it. The scriptures give us the means to fortify ourselves every day. 

#3 I need to be 100% obedient to God's commandments. Once again, not earth shattering news, but something I am remembering. Obedience gives us power. God's power. No really, it does! 

I am not sure how it all happens, but it is amazing. When I know I am doing the best I can to be exactly obedient to the commandments, I feel strong and I feel the Lord's power moving in my life. And oh how I need to be strong and have his power at work in my life. We all do don't we? 

Lately I have been pondering on the great example of Adam, who built an altar and prayed to God, not knowing why except that he had been commanded to do so. His sincere desire was to be obedient to all of God's commands, whether he knew the reason for doing so or not. 

I find that sometimes I want to have a logical explanation for a each commandment so I can feel justified in obeying them. Why not because God asked me to do so? If I truly trust in a loving God, who wants my eternal well-being more than anything else, I would do anything he says without question. 

Adam was the father of all mankind, the lord over the whole earth. He was a great prophet and patriarch, and I believe his power and wisdom came from his unfailing, unquestioning obedience. 

As I am typing this I realize this is similar to my formula I created as a missionary that I always pestered my poor companions with:

Prayer + hard work + 100% obedience = miracles

It sounds a little too simple maybe, but it carried me through 19 months of missionary service and I really did see miracles on a daily basis. 

Why not have miracles in ordinary life? We can. I love what Moroni says in Moroni, Chapter 7 of the Book of Mormon:

 27 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have ^amiracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven, and hath sat down on the right hand of God, to ^bclaim of the Father his rights of mercy which he hath upon the children of men?

29 And because he hath done this, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have ^aangels  ceased to minister unto the children of men.

 30 For behold, they are subject unto him, to minister according to the word of his command, showing themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind in every form of ^agodliness.

35 And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these things are true which I have spoken unto you, and God will show unto you, with ^apower and great glory at the last ^bday, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased?

 36 Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he ^awithheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?

 37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that ^amiracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of ^bunbelief, and all is vain. https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/7.27,29,35,37?lang=eng

Miracles can and do still happen! It is up to us to see them and have the faith to participate in them. One of the miracles is wining this daily battle we are engaged in. I'm going to make better use of prayer, the scriptures, and obedience in my battle plan.

On another note...as I do this my faith will undoubtedly increase..thus helping me see those angels that are supposed to appear and minister as Moroni mentioned right? :) (next goal: see angels)

sometimes

sometimes I wish I was skinny....

and then I remember that in many countries in the world people are skinny because they are malnourished or starving. I am grateful that I am healthy and have never lacked in nutritional or medical needs. 

sometimes I wish I had all the money in the world so I could not worry about budgeting and could buy all the beautiful clothes I wanted....

and then I remember how much I do have, how some people live on less than $1 a day (I make $1 in 3 minutes), and some women don't even have more than one outfit let alone the closet/dressers-ful that I have. 

sometimes I wish I didn't have to sit at a desk all day to work....

and then I remember how many women around the world have to walk miles each day just for water or stand all day in a hot factory or don't have a job or don't even have the opportunity and freedom to have a job. 

sometimes I wish I was a man so I didn't have to do my hair or buy tampons or deal with many other unavoidable aspects of being a woman....

and then I remember how much God loves his daughters and the miracles that occur due to the functions of a female body in bringing life to this world. 

sometimes I wish life wasn't so hard....

and then I remember the growth and learning that occurs through difficulty and how Christ always strengthens me to handle everything that comes my way.

sometimes I wish that there was no suffering or sadness in the world...

and then I remember how it helps me have charity and empathy for my fellow man and gives me the opportunity to serve them. 

sometimes I wish I knew the end from the beginning so I didn't have to worry....

and then I remember how a loving, powerful God is in control, he knows what's best and has asked me to trust him-- I get to enjoy the ride and the thrill that comes when something delightful happens!

sometimes I wish I never got sick or hurt or physically weak....

and then I remember how amazing that our bodies usually function well on their own and can heal themselves of many ailments. I also remember how wonderful people have helped me when I am sick and how much I am loved. (mostly by my mom)

sometimes I wish I was naturally incredibly gorgeous....

and then I remember that physical beauty will always fade with age and time, but good character, knowledge and my divine worth will never be lost or change. 

sometimes I wish I could be superwoman and be perfect, help everyone, know everything, do everything, and never get tired of it all.....

and then I remember that I don't have to be perfect because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, and I don't have to do or be everything because Heavenly Father loves me the way I am and will help become the woman he wants me to be. 

a little bug..

it's funny the things that bug us. maybe that's not funny to anyone else or no one else gets bugged by things. if that's true then I'm a bad person maybe. but a couple things bugged me today that I feel the need to rant about to the world wide web.....

#1- every person that lives on this earth has the same intrinsic value. when we are born I am not of anymore worth than you nor does anyone else have more worth than me. we are all human beings. so why is it that some frequently demean or look down on others? for example why do some treat all the paper pushing lower rank workers like dirt in favor of one important official? 

#2 - the next time I hear a woman complain that they miss husband/boyfriend and have to wait till they get home from work to talk to them, I'm going to slap her across the face. some of us - being me - have to travel 110 miles to see their man, and others - my sister - have to wait months to see their man for him to return from across the world. 

I realized today as I sat down in my usual seat on the bus that I am an overly consistent creature of habit. if someone sits in that seat I am bit irritated and I feel all out of sorts. my go to outfit for work: pencil skirt, ballet flats, t-shirt and accessory such as necklace or bracelet-never both but always with earrings....and during the winter throw on a cardigan or jacket and it's all the same. take the same route to work each day (granted there aren't many options but I kinda feel good about that) I even go to the same train doors on the metro. I wake up at the same time every day, shower, get ready, and read my scriptures while eating breakfast. seriously the same every day (except for weekends of course) I talk to my favorite person the same hour every night.

reality

someone asked to see my blog the other day and, upon skimming a few of my posts, said: wow, you sound like happiest person ever! and perhaps on here I do sound like I am always happy, grateful, and loving life. while that is partly true, I am very grateful for the many good things and joy in my life, I am still human and still face bad days and disappointment and rough times. 

usually I don't like sharing my bad days or trials publicly as I would rather add cheer to the sadness and suffering that is published around the world. but since today happens to be one of those rougher days, ill share a bit. 

I spent this past weekend in Richmond, which usually includes a 2 hour drive each way. this time however, I encountered traffic on the way down, making it 3.5 hour trip, as well as on the way back, a 4.5 hour trip. I slept a total of 8 hours in a 48 hour period due to the intense journey back home, during which I did actually fall asleep 3 times while driving. if you have done this you know how scary it is to wake up and realize you are still directing a moving vehicle! I am exhausted from all this lack of sleep. 

yesterday was my last class of the semester, wherein everyone presented on their research and paper topics for the final semester project....I had identified my topic and found some sources but that was the extent of my research and prep for this project. so I spent most of my time at work yesterday furiously skimming the articles I had found, to be able to sound semi-cognizant when it was my turn to address the class. which I did thankfully. (I've gotten really good at speaking to groups and making whatever I'm saying sound coherent over the years, even if I have no idea what I'm talking about apparently) now the task comes of taking what I read and writing a 10 page thesis paper, due next monday. (ps: I have no idea what I am going to write) oh yeah and I still work 40 hours a week. 

and since I have been crazy busy and running around, (gone all weekend, at class till 9:30 at night, working all day) I have no food in my house at the moment. my body was not happy with this fact this morning and I am feeling the consequences. my bank account is also not too happy with this as it's balance dwindles as I eat out so I don't die. 

bottom line: I'm a bit stressed out and tired and hungry and poor. and, as it happens, currently freezing in my office. 

that's life. it happens. not every day is perfect. and anyone who pretends that it is is in denial. 

I've tried to find a way to be perfectly happy all the time and decided it wasn't going to happen. I've got an imperfect, mortal body subject to sickness, fatigue, weakness, and mosquito bites. (THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE RIGHT NOW)

(side note: look up 'bane' and it will accurately describe how I feel about mosquitos....curse, nemesis, scourge, cause of great suffering or distress. you might think this is extreme, until you see the condition and large number of bites I have on my body)

besides the physical trials, life throws curve balls at you and you are emotionally and mentally taxed as well (that was last week for me haha)

in the midst of all this craziness and almost dying I have realized a couple things:

1) there's a reason why most humans have traditionally lived with other humans in a family arrangement. it is easier to take care of yourself and the necessities of life when you are sharing those responsibilities with one or more people. 

2) some days you have to just keep going. or just keep swimming as my friend dory would say. 90% of the time whats going on won't kill you, and if it does, what can you do about it? (that sounds harsh and morbid...but it's true) so we just keep truckin along...cuz really what else can you do? sit down and give up? you know you don't really want to do that, let's be honest. 

3)  just because one day is rough-or even one week, month, year- that does not mean your whole life is bad or hard. sometimes we have bad days, or years. 

4) tomorrow may not always be better, but it will be different, a new day with a new perspective. that's the great thing about life, every thing always changes. 

5) one day down the road, it will be better. 

6) sleep tends to make things better....no it doesn't fix most things in life, but it can reboot your heart and mind so you can tackle the hard stuff. 

6) everything has a purpose. maybe it doesn't seem obvious or positive, sometimes it is up to us to find the purpose and learn from it. 

and most importantly, I have seen how prayer helps. it can get you through anything. 

so my life is not all roses and primary songs, but that is a big reason why I started this blog of counting my blessings and looking for joy in my life. I found that when I did that and shared it here, it lifted my day a bit and helped me when I needed to remember why my life is great. an inside hint: sometimes the days I post are the ones I need reminders the most. 

so here's the list of joys in my journey today:

trees....summertime trees in va are gorgeous and make me happy to live on earth

hot chocolate...yes I had hot chocolate this morning, the 6th of august. I told you my office was freezing :)

wearing the necklace I bought in Spain....reminding me of that great trip. and giving me joy in a pretty little thing (yes I am a girl who likes pretty jewelry)

music..always fills my soul with joy

sunsets....I saw the most gorgeous sunset the other day in a rear view mirror and can still picture it in my mind

good coworkers.....I work with some great gals and very much enjoy chatting with them every day, or even venting to them. they always listen to me and somehow don't mind. maybe they just think I'm crazy and enjoy the free entertainment. win win right? :)

showers....every day I am so grateful I can take a shower with warm running water. I love feeling clean and it really is amazing when you think about it-- you get a stream of heated water inside your house. cool huh?

i like food

...it's true. perhaps I like it more because of the way I feel after eating. my body does this crazy thing where it gets super cranky at me when I haven't eaten in a few hours. and I mean like can't walk, can't think, head pounding, no energy, weakness and numbness everywhere. i feel SO much better after I eat. it's really annoying sometimes. but it's my body and it's the only one I've got so I've leaned to deal with it. sometimes I feel bad that it affects others but through this I've learned about those who truly care about me and about allowing others the opportunity to serve me. 

so back to eating....it makes my body super happy so I like doing it. and I like eating a variety of things. I love Latino food, indian food, thai food, italian food, steak, pizza, fruit, sandwiches, avocado, hamburgers, ice cream, French fries, bread, bacon, chocolate, zucchini, tacos....the list could go on!

 I frequently see people engaging in fad diets such as carb-free, lean-protein, dairy-free, sugar-free, etc. every year there's a new diet. every year there's a new theory on health and nutrition.  

if you look at the list of my fav foods you might think that I eat crappy, but ask my family and they think I eat über healthy. I wouldn't say I eat super healthy or poorly, but that I eat everything in moderation. I don't think God gave us the need to consume protein to avoid enjoying a good burger every now and then. I don't think he made carbs the building blocks of our cells and then have us not eat them. our bodies need nourishment found in food. that is how they were created and who am I to mess with the creator of all things?

according to some standards of beauty and health Im not considered thin, and many people have told me I should lose some weight. but I am happy and I feel good about my body and how it feels. my body needs nourishment and my heart likes chocolate so I don't feel bad about not eating a salad or fat free yoghurt for lunch every day. in fact I find it almost silly that women are expected to eat that way. sometimes my female coworkers think me strange for not ordering a salad when we go out to lunch. first of all, this body of mine needs certain nutrients at each meal that are not found in most salads, second I get bored eating the same thing every day, third I like enjoying what I eat! 

yes eating healthy and balanced meals is important, but I don't think eating pizza one night or ice cream every now and then is going to kill you prematurely or make you unhealthily obese. 

instead of counting calories or starving to shed 2 pounds, let's focus on being happy with who we are and what we have. lets teach kids to eat when they're hungry and not when they aren't. lets remember that our bodies aren't machines but are like ecosystems that require certain inputs and balances to thrive. lets focus on caring for these amazing gifts that God gave us to experience life, instead of punishing them for certain natural tendencies or cultural norms. every body is mortal and has its own weaknesses and deficiencies as well as unique strengths and characteristics. 

your body is a gift from God and you will live with it forever in the next life. learn to love it and care for it and you will be so much happier now and forever.