crazy in love

so I have realized I might be going crazy......

and my family and Marvin are probably feeling it.

in the next 60 days I will be moving 112 miles south, unpacking, setting up a new apartment, finding/starting a new job, finishing wedding plans, and getting married.

 (if you ever want to know how many days remain between today and the 21st of december, feel free to hit me up anytime :) not that I'm excited about that day or anything....)

my mind is reeling with requests from people, offers to help, advice, ideas...

decisions to be made.....

whether I should wear a veil...

will my dress look good with the earrings or are they too much...

how to do my hair...

buy or make necklaces for my sisters....

wondering where in the world can we get or borrow cheap trees....

somehow getting enough twinkle lights without spending a million dollars...

deciding on the thank you favors....

who will make the cake...

making sure there's enough food...

which picture to use for the announcement....

planning a honeymoon....

coordinating travel for incoming people...

not spending a gazillion dollars....

sorry no I don't want to throw a bouquet....

neither do I want an arch with a receiving line...

trying to coordinate everyone's wardrobe...

because yes I do know how I want it to look....

I have a big problem with trying to please everyone. when someone offers something or proposes an idea, I have a hard time saying no cuz I don't want to offend them. especially when they are so kind and caring. but we cant do everything nor do i want to do everything. somehow I will figure this balance out. probably in the midst of this wedding stuff. experiences are the best teachers right? haha. 

and did I mention I'm also moving? and need to find a job? yup craziness. 

so if you happen to offer me a suggestion or service and I cringe a bit, don't take it personally. I appreciate all the offers, please don't be offended when I don't use it. I promise it doesn't mean it was bad idea it just means I can't do it all :) 

....and I'm sure Marvin wants to keep his sanity. good thing he is super patient and wonderful. def reason #1 I'm not yet insane. 

reason #2 "it is not requisite that man should run faster than he has strength." not only is it not requisite but literally I can't. 

ill get there. 

but in the mean time I'm reminding myself that the most important thing out of this whole crazy process is that we will be getting married. I'm going to start a new chapter of life with this man who loves me.

I feel like 90% of the time people forget the point of a lot of big things, especially weddings. at the end of the day, the point is that a marriage has just begun. a union that was consecrated and designed by God himself. sounds pretty important and amazing right? 

even more amazing that mine will start with a slew of blessings promised by God in connection with that marriage, including the promise that it will last forever. (still wrapping my head around the thought of being with him forever...like eternity...like never go to sleep or work or vacation or meetings or death apart cuz we'll be together roaming about the universe as eternal beings. yeah if that's not mind blowing I don't know what is, but that's a whole other story/thought in itself)

so I keep saying to myself that I am really and truly only going to care about 3 things:

#1 that we get married (temple appt set, marriage license obtained... this part's in the bag!)

#2 that my family be present (no flights booked yet so that's still a bit stressful)

#3 that I look gorgeous. (ok a bit selfish and vain, but I'm still human and a woman so I think it's allowed, or maybe at least not frowned upon) 

how great thou art

the more I learn about the human body or the earth the more I see God's power and wisdom and the deeper my faith grows. it is impossible to see all of these miraculous and amazing things and say that it is all by chance or some cosmic accident. 

today I read an article that reported how breast milk contains proteins to fight HIV transmission from an infected mother to her infant, an occurrence previously thought to be unavoidable due to sharing of bodily fluids and blood by both during pregnancy and delivery. the article states:

Tenascin C’s presence in breast milk, though, prompts a deeper question: Why would milk naturally include a protein that battles HIV, a virus that evolved extremely recently in our evolutionary history, sometime in the early 20th century?

In other words, Tenascin C is effective at combating a large variety of infections (perhaps related to its role in adults, where it holds various types of tissue together, necessitating receptors that can bind to a wide array of different cells). The fact that it happens to bind at just the right spot on HIV’s outer envelope so that it combats the virus’ transmission, as Permar puts it, is “a gift from evolution.”

http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/science/2013/10/discovered-a-natural-protein-in-breast-milk-that-fights-hiv/#ixzz2iSSY6Qsk

I do not believe that this was a gift from evolution, but rather a gift from a loving and merciful heavenly father who knew before the world was created that innocent babies would be affected by this tragic virus. 

God loves us, we are his children and he created us in his image. he created all things on this earth, for our benefit. his power is endless and it continues to bless us even when we don't realize it or deserve it. 

it amazes me and makes me stop in wonder like the poet penned--

    O Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder

    Consider all the worlds thy hands have made. 

    I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

    Thy power through out the universe displayed,

    Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to thee,

    How great thou art!

    How great thou art!

its a love story....part two

i was sitting at home on a Friday night, fixing a skirt and missing my guatemalan man, expecting not to see him till saturday as usual. when all of a sudden he tells me he's on his way up to DC. best surprise number one. 

we had been wanting to go on a bike ride ever since he got a bike, so he brought his bike up and asked me where I wanted to go the next morning. i had been really wanting to go up to Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, for a while (don't ask me why). so we went!

we found the national park area and were pleasantly surprised when miraculously it was a fee free day! (Heavenly father really wanted us to be there we decided :) )

so we parked the car, jumped on our bikes, and made the very hilly ride down to the town of Harper's Ferry. 

it was kinda busy but we walked our bikes to the overlook where the Shenandoah and Potomac rivers meet. it was beautiful, although a bit of an overcast day. we crossed the Potomac on the old railroad bridge and parked our bikes with the bazillion others there. 

the C&O canal trail winds along the Potomac so we thought to venture along it. he saw a open spot of the river bank so we stopped there to enjoy the view of the two great rivers merging under the steeples of the town. it was so gorgeous and peaceful. 

there was a weathered tree that had been bent to form a natural bench. I hopped up and perched on it for a bit while we enjoyed the view, took some pictures and blissfully (and I ignorantly) chatted. with him telling me how happy he was and being his typical romantic self (si amor, te digo que eres romántico)

some people strolled down to enjoy the view also so I hopped down from my perch momentarily. when the passers-by continued on their way, he asked me if I wanted to sit on the tree again. I laughed a bit and asked if he was really asking me if I wanted to sit on the tree or if he was asking me to sit there again. he smiled and said when he asks that it means he wants me to sit up on the tree. :) (yes I can read him like a book)

so I jumped up onto the branch again and chuckled at this silly man that had captured my heart. he asked me how much I loved him and I laughed a bit again knowing how many times I had told him how much I love him. but I humorously responded that I couldn't count how much I loved him, to infinity. (this is our fun game- one asks the other how much he/she misses or loves the other and they respond with some ridiculous distance or quantity) 

he then told me to close my eyes cuz he had another question to ask me. I dutifully closed my eyes as he pestered me to keep them closed until he was satisfied that I wasn't peeking. then he asked me if I would marry this silly, poor, crazy, in love man. I happily said I would as I smiled with closed eyes. he told me to open my eyes and there in front of me was a sparkly gold ring. I swear it appeared out of nowhere! (note we had just biked 4ish miles up and down the crazy hilly streets of harpers ferry. no idea where it was hidden-inside the box!- that whole time) i was speeches for a total of 12 seconds as he put the ring on my finger and put his arms around me. 

I thought I would cry or jump up and down or launch into a chatter-fest, but instead I was so content and blissfully happy that I just silently smiled in between bursts of random giggles. in fact I couldn't stop smiling as we walked along the trail. he kept asking me why I would start giggling randomly every few minutes or so and I told him I was just so happy! happily thinking about being married to him. 

the trail and rivers seemed to be the perfect metaphor for the moment....2 rivers merging into one, just like 2 lives coming together....us walking along the trail like beginning journeying through life together. I was telling him about the canal and the trail, how they go all the way down to DC--almost to the end of the world! I said. he said do you want to walk to the end of the world with me? and I said yes I did very much, except maybe not that day cuz I was hungry. :) well, he said, we have our whole lives now to do it. (awwww...yes he's the best)

so I ended the perfect day with the perfect moment, with my perfect person. 

(my apologies if there is too much cheesiness in this post. I blame it on being in love...especially with a suave Latino man. :) )

it's a love story....part one

so here's the story everyone has been waiting for...

during a cold and wet February, I was feeling a particular need to escape the craziness of Washington. my friend, Chris (happy now Chris?), invited me down to Richmond for a visit and to participate in a singles activity down there. it being a holiday weekend, I thought sure, why not? so I drove down, anticipating nothing except dancing, visiting my dear friend in charlottesville, and going for a bike ride. 

the evening started simple enough with a bit of socializing and mocktail drinks. and then they instituted the forced "speed dating" portion of the activity which I was ignorant of prior to arriving. I was there to dance and that was all. 

but I reluctantly joined in the matching up in support of my friend with thoughts of the time passing quickly until the music started. 

I dutifully chatted with each guy that passed my way, answering and asking silly questions. there happened to be two latin guys in the group, one from Mexico and one from Guatemala. they stood out obviously, or rather I stood out, because in both conversations it came up that I spoke Spanish and I chatted with both a bit in Spanish. 

after the rounds of speed dating, I strutted out to the gym, ready to get to the best part of the night (ie: dancing). no sooner had I gotten a good spot when the Mexican guy came up and began to talk to me quite a bit. 

all the while I noticed the guy from Guatemala hanging around a bit. it kinda looked like he wanted to talk to me but I was a bit consumed with trying to kindly extraciate myself from the other guy's presence in order to dance.

 I finally was successful and then was able to enjoy the music. and then the guy from Guatemala made his way to my side, more than once in fact. and it was a great contrast talking with him after the other guy. like a breath of fresh air...or latino air. :) we danced, talked, laughed. it felt really good to be around him. he was so nice and funny and easy going, and persistent! as he then asked for my number. I was pleasantly surprised although not really expecting much to come of it. 

but then the next day he texted me. and then kept texting me! and calling me. he asked me when he could call, and he actually called when he said he would!! miracle!

our first date was to the DC temple, which of course I enjoyed...going to the temple and all. the thought occurred to me that this could either be a really good sign or....well to be honest a really scary sign. 

it struck me that day that he was a perfect gentleman. and maybe too good to be true-- he calls when he says he will, is respectful, goes to the temple, serves in the church, drives all the way up to DC to see me, tells me I'm wonderful....I kept waiting for a catch.

 well there never turned out to be a catch because the past 6-ish months if my life have been the most wonderful time getting to know this amazing man. he has such a good heart and would do anything for me. I love being with him-laughing with him (which we do a lot), talking with him, serving with him. it never gets old. 

winning the battle

I have remembered a few things lately. I am calling them my 3 keys to winning the daily battle :) 

#1 I need to pray every day, even all the time. And I need to really pray, not just tell my Father in Heaven what I need or what I'm thankful for, but communicate with my all-wise, all-knowing Father. He responds when I make an effort and put in more than just mumblings in a half-awake daze. I love what Preach My Gospel says about prayer:

Strive to pray sincerely, with real intent, and with “all the energy of heart” (Moroni 7:48). Effective prayer requires great effort (see Moroni 10:3–4;D&C 8:10; 9:7). Give serious thought to your attitude and to the words you use.https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-recognize-and-understand-the-spirit?lang=eng

When I studied this as a missionary I wrote in the margin: Prayer is a form of work!

I love it when I have a conversation with my Father in Heaven, not just speaking to the air, but pouring my heart out and then listening for what might come in response. 

And guess what, God does answer our prayers! I have had some wonderful experiences lately in which I counseled with Him and received guidance and peace. 

Sometimes I don't receive actual answers to my prayers right away, but I feel close to my Father and am able to feel calm and strength in the midst of a crazy life when I consistently seek out opportunities to sincerely pray. 

I have come to realize that in order to make it in this crazy world and these difficult times, we must pray. When I don't I can feel the adversary pushing his way into my thoughts and discouragement overcoming any faith and hope I have. We can't do it alone. The forces around us are strong and as Christ said to the Nephites:

Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for ^aSatan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. 3 Nephi 18:18 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/18.18?lang=eng#17

When I read this I picture in my mind satan laughing as we slip through his fingers...or something like that. Bottom line: We need to pray!

#2 I need to read the word of God every day. And not just read, or even really read very much, but more ponder what it means and listen to the spirit. I have learned that the spirit will teach me what I need to know from the words that day if I will take the time to pause and consider the scriptures. 

And I truly need to do this every day. Just like praying, I need that strength and peace that comes from the spirit, but I also need the direction and eternal perspective that comes from the word of God. 

Every day I am in a battle. We all are. And its not a battle of words or bullets, but a battle for our eternal welfare. Satan is really patient and he doesn't take us by making us fall to his level all at once, but he does it bit by bit, each day that we don't strengthen our relationship with and knowledge of God, he claims a small victory. He chips away at our strength if we aren't actively working at fortifying it. And he is way too good at it. The scriptures give us the means to fortify ourselves every day. 

#3 I need to be 100% obedient to God's commandments. Once again, not earth shattering news, but something I am remembering. Obedience gives us power. God's power. No really, it does! 

I am not sure how it all happens, but it is amazing. When I know I am doing the best I can to be exactly obedient to the commandments, I feel strong and I feel the Lord's power moving in my life. And oh how I need to be strong and have his power at work in my life. We all do don't we? 

Lately I have been pondering on the great example of Adam, who built an altar and prayed to God, not knowing why except that he had been commanded to do so. His sincere desire was to be obedient to all of God's commands, whether he knew the reason for doing so or not. 

I find that sometimes I want to have a logical explanation for a each commandment so I can feel justified in obeying them. Why not because God asked me to do so? If I truly trust in a loving God, who wants my eternal well-being more than anything else, I would do anything he says without question. 

Adam was the father of all mankind, the lord over the whole earth. He was a great prophet and patriarch, and I believe his power and wisdom came from his unfailing, unquestioning obedience. 

As I am typing this I realize this is similar to my formula I created as a missionary that I always pestered my poor companions with:

Prayer + hard work + 100% obedience = miracles

It sounds a little too simple maybe, but it carried me through 19 months of missionary service and I really did see miracles on a daily basis. 

Why not have miracles in ordinary life? We can. I love what Moroni says in Moroni, Chapter 7 of the Book of Mormon:

 27 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have ^amiracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven, and hath sat down on the right hand of God, to ^bclaim of the Father his rights of mercy which he hath upon the children of men?

29 And because he hath done this, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have ^aangels  ceased to minister unto the children of men.

 30 For behold, they are subject unto him, to minister according to the word of his command, showing themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind in every form of ^agodliness.

35 And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these things are true which I have spoken unto you, and God will show unto you, with ^apower and great glory at the last ^bday, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased?

 36 Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he ^awithheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?

 37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that ^amiracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of ^bunbelief, and all is vain. https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/7.27,29,35,37?lang=eng

Miracles can and do still happen! It is up to us to see them and have the faith to participate in them. One of the miracles is wining this daily battle we are engaged in. I'm going to make better use of prayer, the scriptures, and obedience in my battle plan.

On another note...as I do this my faith will undoubtedly increase..thus helping me see those angels that are supposed to appear and minister as Moroni mentioned right? :) (next goal: see angels)

sometimes

sometimes I wish I was skinny....

and then I remember that in many countries in the world people are skinny because they are malnourished or starving. I am grateful that I am healthy and have never lacked in nutritional or medical needs. 

sometimes I wish I had all the money in the world so I could not worry about budgeting and could buy all the beautiful clothes I wanted....

and then I remember how much I do have, how some people live on less than $1 a day (I make $1 in 3 minutes), and some women don't even have more than one outfit let alone the closet/dressers-ful that I have. 

sometimes I wish I didn't have to sit at a desk all day to work....

and then I remember how many women around the world have to walk miles each day just for water or stand all day in a hot factory or don't have a job or don't even have the opportunity and freedom to have a job. 

sometimes I wish I was a man so I didn't have to do my hair or buy tampons or deal with many other unavoidable aspects of being a woman....

and then I remember how much God loves his daughters and the miracles that occur due to the functions of a female body in bringing life to this world. 

sometimes I wish life wasn't so hard....

and then I remember the growth and learning that occurs through difficulty and how Christ always strengthens me to handle everything that comes my way.

sometimes I wish that there was no suffering or sadness in the world...

and then I remember how it helps me have charity and empathy for my fellow man and gives me the opportunity to serve them. 

sometimes I wish I knew the end from the beginning so I didn't have to worry....

and then I remember how a loving, powerful God is in control, he knows what's best and has asked me to trust him-- I get to enjoy the ride and the thrill that comes when something delightful happens!

sometimes I wish I never got sick or hurt or physically weak....

and then I remember how amazing that our bodies usually function well on their own and can heal themselves of many ailments. I also remember how wonderful people have helped me when I am sick and how much I am loved. (mostly by my mom)

sometimes I wish I was naturally incredibly gorgeous....

and then I remember that physical beauty will always fade with age and time, but good character, knowledge and my divine worth will never be lost or change. 

sometimes I wish I could be superwoman and be perfect, help everyone, know everything, do everything, and never get tired of it all.....

and then I remember that I don't have to be perfect because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, and I don't have to do or be everything because Heavenly Father loves me the way I am and will help become the woman he wants me to be. 

a little bug..

it's funny the things that bug us. maybe that's not funny to anyone else or no one else gets bugged by things. if that's true then I'm a bad person maybe. but a couple things bugged me today that I feel the need to rant about to the world wide web.....

#1- every person that lives on this earth has the same intrinsic value. when we are born I am not of anymore worth than you nor does anyone else have more worth than me. we are all human beings. so why is it that some frequently demean or look down on others? for example why do some treat all the paper pushing lower rank workers like dirt in favor of one important official? 

#2 - the next time I hear a woman complain that they miss husband/boyfriend and have to wait till they get home from work to talk to them, I'm going to slap her across the face. some of us - being me - have to travel 110 miles to see their man, and others - my sister - have to wait months to see their man for him to return from across the world.